For teens only

Dating violence is more than just arguing or fighting. Dating violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one partner uses to get power over the other, including:

• any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence to get control;
• emotional or mental abuse, such as playing mind games, making you feel crazy, or constantly putting you down or criticizing you;
• sexual abuse, including making you do anything you don't want to, refusing to have safe sex, or making you feel bad about yourself sexually.

Teens who abuse their girlfriends or boyfriends do the same things that adults do who abuse their partners. Teen dating violence is just as serious as adult domestic violence.

Teens are seriously at risk for dating violence. Research shows that physical or sexual abuse is a part of 1 in 3 high school relationships. In 95% of abusive relationships, men abuse women; however, young women can be violent and young men can be victims. Teens in same-sex relationships are just as much at risk for abuse in their relationships as anyone else.

Abusive relationships have good times and bad times. Part of what makes dating violence so confusing and painful is that there is love mixed in with the abuse. This can make it hard to tell if you are really being abused. Here are some questions to ask yourself.

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend:

• Act like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, with such sudden and extreme moods that he/she seems like two different people?
• Make fun of you, put you down, or embarrass you in front of other people?
• Have a history of bad relationships or past violence?
• Always blame his/her problems on other people, or blame you for “making” him/her treat you badly?
• Try to get you drunk or high or try to get you alone when you don't want to be?
• Try to control you by being bossy, not taking your opinion seriously, or making all of the decisions about who you see, what you wear, what you do, etc.?
• Talk negatively about people in sexual ways or talk about sex like it's a game or a contest?

Do you:

• Feel less confident about yourself when you're with him/her?
• Hear from people you trust that they're worried about your safety?
• Feel scared or worried about doing or saying the wrong thing?
• Find yourself changing your behavior out of fear or to avoid a fight?

If you answered yes to many of the questions above and you think you might be in an abusive relationship, please call our help line (612-825-0000 or 651-770-0777) to talk with someone about it. Unfortunately, without help, the violence will only get worse. If you want more information about dating violence or other resources for teens, take a look at the information on the following pages:

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
Warning Signs
Relationship Violence FAQs
Forms of Abuse
How to Get Help
What to do if your Friend is Being Hurt
How to Help a Friend Who is Hurting Others
Safety Planning
Youth Resources

Source: Adapted from the National Domestic Violence Hotline Web site (http://www.ndvh.org/teens.html).